Diversion for the desperately bored.

In memory of Larry Alan Franks

Miss ya, Larry

There have beenpeople without lives looking at this page.

The obligatory disclaimer: Everything in this website is pure horse pucky.

Song Parodies for the Demented
Now with SIXTEEN parodies - catch the new one for Gordon Lightfoot
(Updated January, 2012)
Three Exercises To Give You Perfect Breasts
Bosom gravitationally challenged? There's help!
The most popular page in the Joker's kingdom.
Doing Your Own Cosmetic Surgery
Can you do your own cosmetic surgery with tools you've got lying around the house?
You can if you're unbelievably stupid!
7 Affirmations To Bring That Heart Attack To A Screeching Halt
Wait - don't call 911! There is an alternative to that risky heart transplant!
NEW! Naming Viagra
Now where could we possibly be going with this????
Meditate Away Your Alzheimers Disease
Is it really possible? Just ask Dr. Lewis Hizmind!
I Lost Six Pounds in Eight Days and You Can Too!
The easiest, most effortless weight loss program ever!
Misplace Yourself In North Chester A. Arthur County, Washington
The dream (nightmare?) vacation hot spot in Washington State.
Mammary Symbols
There isn't much I can say about this one. You just gotta look at it.
Turn Your Sleep Time Into Workout Time!
Why waste your nights merely sleeping???
Ask Fluffy (Continually updated by her loyal readers)
Get some fantastic advice for the frantic from our feline friend, Fluffy!
The Fluffy Archives
From Fluffy! 9 Stupid Things Cats Do To Mess Up Their Lives
Excerpts from Fluffy's best selling book.
Fluffy's Long Awaited Biography!
All of your questions about Fluffy are answered here.
What Do Animals Read?
Timely topics of interest to predatory mammals.
A Cure for Stress Incontinence
Finally, a fitness machine for those broken down pelvic floor muscles!
Unofficial Seals of the US Post Office
Yes, we're demented. But then, if you've been here before, you probably knew that.
Let's Reintroduce Wild Predators To Our City Parks
Poking a little fun at the Sierra Club, et al.
Creative Visualizations: Mental Birth Control
Throw away those pills and IUD's.
Fine Dining at Sal Manella's
An unusual menu for an unusual restaurant.
Ads We'd Like To See
A whole new meaning for "cheap perfume".
Frequently Asked Questions
Tackling some of the tough ones that no one else will touch!

She Has Captured The Hearts of Twelve

Some of America's most treasured songs ...
Recorded by Mary Sue Ellen Bobbi Jo Clampett-McCoy.

Now you can own 96 of America's most beloved classics, sung in the pure, honest, inimitable style of Mary Sue Ellen Bobbi Jo Clampett-McCoy. You'll be moved to tears when you hear her moving renditions of "Don't Touch That Beer," or "The Long Lost Wallet," and "My Tired aching Feet."

"Ever since I was I little girl I wanted to record these cherished songs that have been so near and dear to my heart. They've brought me such comfort and joy, especially after my unjust incarceration for killing my sweet but abusive husband, Duwayne LeRoy McCoy. When I finally had bunches of free time on my hands, I just knew I had to fulfill my lifelong dream and bring to you, all of my dear, sweet friends, this classic collection."

Mary Sue Ellen Bobbi Jo sings these poignant and beloved songs with such emotion, you'll be certain to feel each and every one of them in your heart. Thrill to the spiritually uplifting, "There's A Pain In My Liver," and "I Lost My Credit Cards." Other songs in this must-have collection include: "Flat on the Interstate," "Caught You Messing Around (Again)", "I Backed Over The Cat (Again)," "I've Fallen Off the Wagon (Again)," "Threw Out My Back (Again)," "There's a Grizzly Bear In Camp," and the ever-popular classic "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up." PLUS - 87 MORE!

Order now and receive absolutely FREE three of Mary Sue Ellen Bobbi Jo's most requested tunes, "Cry," "Sigh," and "Why." Order in the next 15-20 years and she'll include her most requested cell-block hit, "You Don't Bring Me Herpes Anymore."

Contribute $50 to Mary Sue Ellen Bobbi Jo's legal defense fund, and you'll also receive her album of her own original songs that she wrote herself, Ditties from the Heart recorded live in her cell. This album includes, "Where'd That Wall Come From?" "Where'd That Tatoo Come From?" and her haunting signature song, "Why'dja Hafta Hit Me So Hard, Honey?" Wait, there's more! Cry with Mary Sue Ellen Bobbie Jo as she sobs "You Tore Out My Heart and I Want It Back," "If I Didn't Love You So Much I'd Hate Your Guts," "My Baby Won't Even Do Me Wrong" and "Barefoot and Pregnant (Again)." Anyone who has ever drowned their sorrows in a can of Hamm's or a bottle of Ripple can identify with her "I've Got the D'T's Over You." Her stark, histrionic emotion in "Honey, We Shot the Kids" and "Goin' Postal" will haunt you long after the music stops. And there's no forgetting "How'd Her Panties Get In My Hamper?"

"Mary Sue Ellen Bobbi Jo Clampett McCoy is certainly an, uh, interesting singer and her lyrics are, gosh, - er - unusual. I can honestly say I've never heard anything quite like her." - Reba McIntyre

Send cash, cigarettes or Twinkies to: Mary Sue Ellen Bobbi Jo Clampett-McCoy's 96 Greatest Hits,
#4389563492J, C/O the Alabama State Prison for the Criminally Insane.
The cost is only $11.95 for CD and $8.99 for cassette.
All material Copyright 2016 by Linda Koski and Larry Franks
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