Nine Stupid Things Cats Do To Mess Up Their Lives
Never Claw Up the Good Sofa
No matter how much you may feel the need to sharpen your claws, NEVER
use your human's new leather sofa! Humans can be ridiculously anal about
their possessions, and the chances of obtaining forgiveness if you use
one of them for claw hygiene are slim to none, no matter how cute you are
or how much you suck up. Some hapless felines have attempted to be discreet
and use a corner out of direct sight, only to have their subterfuge discovered,
and found themselves at the pound. I repeat! The immediate pleasures are
just not worth the long term consequences!
Bringing Home Hunting TrophiesThere is no accounting for the sensitivities of humans. While I know
how proud you are after you've killed and disemboweled a rodent or some
tastey bird, most humans will not accept your gift graciously should you
bring it home. Worse yet, if it isn't dead yet, some owners will even confiscate
it from you and set it free. Better not to involve your humans in your
Eating Yarn and TinselFluffy well knows the self-destructive urges that can overcome careless
cats. That yarn and tinsel can look so delicious and inviting! However,
inumerable anecdotes have been sent my way about the nasty consequences.
One cat started to swallow yarn, and found that it went on and on and had
no end! Eventually her owner had to take her to the vet, where he surgically
removed a cardigan. And tinsel can cause great gastrointestinal upset.
Don't be tempted. I can assure you that you will regret it.
Letting Your Mate Near Your KittensHe was so passionate when you mated. You never dreamed he would ever
do anything but suck up to you. But remember, you were in heat, and THAT
almost no Tom can resist. This does not mean that he is ready to commit
to a long-term relationship, or take on a family. In fact, once his fun
is over, he will very likely kill your litter so you will go into heat
again, just so you'll want to mate again right away. I know, it's shocking,
but it's true. Tom's can be more shallow and selfish than you could ever
imagine! Keep your sperm donor away from your kittens while they are young.
He can wait until you're ready for more kittens.
You Can't Outrun A Chevy Blazer!I know that field across the expressway looks inviting. You may even
have friends or business there. But you MUST make sure there are no vehicles
coming. Don't play chicken with a Suburban. You will lose.
Warm Engine Compartments are a No-NoIt's cold and you've accidentally let yourself be locked out. You feel
warmth radiating from the front of the Buick. You decide to crawl up inside,
just to warm up a little. You fall asleep. Your owner comes out early in
the morning to go to work. He starts the Buick. You're DEAD MEAT! Need
I say more?
But I really NEED To Spray The Sofa!Males are biologically programmed to mark their territory. It's in
their genes. But humans don't understand. They think the house is theirs,
and that musk on the walls and contents of the room are offensive. If you
don't want to find yourself homeless, keep your spraying outside. At the
very least, do it late at night, when your humans are asleep, and find
an inconspicuous, out of the way place, if you simply cannot control your
urges. Better if you let them think it's THEIR territory, and not spray
at all. Humans can be very intolerant of bodily functions that seem perfectly
natural to you. If you ignore this, you do so at your own risk.
That New Pit Bull Does Not Want To Be Your FriendWe all know cats tend to be arrogant and cocky. It's a feline personality
trait. However, as much as we like to think our physical prowess will make
us the winner in any encounter, you let your smugness about your agility
go to your head at your own peril. If your human brings home a dog that's
twice your size, don't think you can bite his tail or his nose and always
get away unscathed. Not all dogs are easygoing and take your good-natured
teasing in the spirit in which you intend it. Unless you pre-date the dog
in your home, and have the opportunity to put him in his place while he's
still a puppy, don't expect him to knuckle under. He may be able to run
faster than you think possible. And the jaws of a pit bull is no place
to find yourself.
Curiosity Killed The CatCuriosity can be fatal. Cats are not indestructible. If you curl up
in the dryer, your owner could turn it on. (Very painful, I hear.) That
cozy little drawer in the basement could imprison you until you starve
to death, if no one hears your anguished cries. That construction guy with
the nail gun could turn it on you. Are you starting to get the picture?
I know it's very difficult, but CURB that curiosity. I know we are intellectually
superior, but believe it or not, even we have a hard time getting down
from that 200 foot power pole (it's humiliating for us all when some poor
soul makes it on the 6:00 o'clock news when he has to be brought down by
the rescue squad) and if you jump, although you'll land on your feet, from
200 feet this could be catastrophic. Never ever get yourself into a situation
that you are not absolutely certain you can get yourself out of.
It's embarrassing for us all, and exceedingly unpleasant for you.
©2012 By Linda Koski
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