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Goin' Postal
From the Battle of New Orleans by Johnny Horton

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Got fired last week when I took a little nip
and pretty soon the boss came out and handed me the slip
He said I sent Alaska's mail instead to Idaho
So I gathered up my aresenal and went to say hello

(CHORUS)
I fired my guns and the sorters started duckin'
There wasn't nigh as many as there was awhile ago
I fired once more and they begin to truckin'
They tried to make it outside but I got 'em at the door

I hung around and I seen the bosses come
and there must have been a dozen of 'em
Boy this will be fun
They screamed so loud that it made my eardrums ring
I stood beside the exit door and didn't say a thing
I fired my guns and the sorters started duckin'

There wasn't nigh as many as there was awhile ago
I fired once more and they begin to truckin'
They tried to make it outside but I got 'em at the door

The voices said I should take 'em by surprise
so I didn't pull my weapon 'til I looked 'em in the eyes
I held my fire 'til I seen 'em wet their pants
and though they tried to get away they never stood a chance

I fired my guns and the sorters started duckin'
There wasn't nigh as many as there was awhile ago
I fired once more and they begin to truckin'
They tried to make it outside but I got 'em at the door

And they ran through the hallways and they ducked under tables
and they jumped over countertops and cowered on the floor
They ran so fast it was really hard to hit 'em
They trampled one another trying to make it through the door

I fired my Uzzi 'til the barrel melted down
So I reached for my Beretta and I squeezed another round
I lobbed a coupla hand grenades and waited for a sign
They'll get me with a swat team but for now I'm doin' fine

I fired my guns and the sorters started duckin'
There wasn't nigh as many as there was awhile ago
I fired once more and they begin to truckin'
They tried to make it outside but I got 'em at the door

And they ran through the hallways and they ducked under tables
and they jumped over countertops and cowered on the floor
They ran so fast it was really hard to hit 'em
They trampled one another trying to make it through the door

©2012 by Linda Koski and Larry Franks

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